Carreg Wynn: Problems and Solutions

By Suzanne with help from others in the Enclave

Winner 2014 Creative Corners – Other Creative Work

The cards are designed to be printed on 2″ x 3.5″ business cards

The Starter Game includes the base game, rules and a starter deck of problem and solution cards.

 

The Classic Expansion includes more problems and solutions that are intended for veteran players.

 

The 2013 Expansion includes additional problem and solution cards mostly from the 2012 and 2013 seasons.

 

Blame Carreg Wynn

A parody of South Park’s “Blame Canada”
by Cory N.
Times have changed
Our kids are getting lost
They go off on adventures
They end up cursed or worse!

Should we blame the Imperials?

Or blame alchemy?

Or should we blame the people of the Confederacy?

No, blame Carreg Wynn!

Blame Carreg Wynn!

With all their foul, violent ways,
And battles all through the days.

Blame Carreg Wynn! Blame Carreg Wynn!

We need to form a full assault

It’s Carreg Wynn’s fault!

Don’t blame me for my son’s flaws,
He went to Carreg Wynn and now he’s off to join the Claw!
And my boy Ulric, once, was a picture of health,
But now he’s undead and I have to protect myself.

Well, Blame Carreg Wynn!

Blame Carreg Wynn!

It seems that everything goes wrong,
When Carreg Wynn comes along.

Blame Carreg Wynn!
Blame Carreg Wynn!

We never even liked them anyway.

My son could’ve been a farmer, living safe and eatin stew,
Instead he was murdered and left for worm food.

Should we blame the bandits?
Should we blame the monsters?
Or the medics who allow them to expire?

Heck, no!

Blame Carreg Wynn! Blame Carreg Wynn!

With all their murder-hobo goons.

And that witch Girly Bruce!

Blame Carreg Wynn! Shame on Carreg Wynn for…
The murders must be stopped,
The citizens must be stomped
The slaughter and fun
This will all be undone
We must blame them and cause a fuss,
Before one of them comes to kill us!

Pryde Mother’s Pride

by Michael Guest
(Rapped to the beat of “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J)

Don’t call it a comeback:
I been here for years,
Rocking my ears and putting Su’Rankin in fear,
Makin’ the tears rain down like a MON-soon.
Listen to my boys go BOOM,
Psychic, grappling: overpowering.
Over all the Prydes, I’m towering.
Having my way, when I say,
Those words that’ll make you wanna pray.
Are you in pain? You better move
Don’t ever complain
About my rules, I’ve said ‘em thrice
Su’Rankin’s paying the price.

[Chorus:]
My boys gonna knock you out (Hoo-ah!)
Pryde Mama said knock you out (Hoo-ah!)
[Repeat x4]

Don’t you make me raise my hand.
I’m gonna claim your man
I’m gonna take this itty bitty town by storm,
And I’m just getting warm.
Just like a rabbit-fur coat I’m wearing
Watch me swear in
Another Pryde-full,
‘Cause you know I’ll lead them.
Why do you mess with me, the master psychic?
And when I flare out my aura get ready to rip it
MEOW! How you like me now?
The Pryde will never allow
You to cross us, no bets.
Listen for my foot-steps,
I’m leading, no pleading.
Listen to my words or I’ll leave you bleeding.
Psychic power fills my mind
And I’m rocking it all the time.

[Chorus]

Beatdown!
Astral forming when I heard you on the patio (Hoo-ah!)
I just don’t know
What made you try to play me?
But now I got a new male.
Mess up my name, I go insane, releasing pain
Letting you know you can’t remain, I maintain
Until you learn my name
Ka’Kage. Sesshu
Kyoshie the whole
That is your goal.

[Chorus]

Screams of pain are heard
When I rip and kill, at WILL!
Woman of the hour, tower of power, I’ll devour
My boys’ll learn you up and make you understand
That I’m not your average Mam’
When I got intruders on my land.
DAMN! Ooooh!
Listen to the way I slaaaay your pryde
Damage! (huh!) Damage! (huh!) Damage! (huh!) Damage!
Destruction, terror and mayhem.
Pass me a rogue male, I’ll train him.
Kahtars (what?) Tahlus (what?)
I’m ready! (We’re ready!)
I think I’m gonna claim a town (get down!)
Don’t you never, ever, pull my tail
‘Cause I explode
And my claws are easy to load
I gotta thank Fae,
‘Cause she showed me how to have my
WAY! Knock you out, Pryde mama said know you out!

[Chorus]

“Hunter Noris” Jokes

By Dale B.

When he goes to bed at night, Jester checks under his bed for Hunter
If you can see Hunter, they can see you.  If you CAN’T see Hunter it’s too late!
Hunter’s tears are highly sought after by Alchemists because Hunter drips Malice
If you’re looking for Hunter… Turn around
Hunter created the Land Beyond because they filled up the Land of the Dead.
Hunter doesn’t hide in the dark – the light hides from Hunter
Hunter doesn’t answer to “assassin roll call” because all the assassins answer for Hunter.
Hunter doesn’t speak because their voice would kill everything
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of small spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Hunter is logical.
Hunter had a craving for horses once.  That’s why we don’t have any.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Hunter stories.
The reason Hunter never gets hit by spells is the Mana is too afraid of insulting them.
Lifeskills were originally named Hunter Skills, but Hunter was too humble and it was changed.
Hunter has a Dropbear carpet.  It’s not dead.  It just got spotted by Hunter 10 years ago and hasn’t moved since.
Hunter’s sneeze caused the Plague.
Hunter doesn’t mediate.  They sit still while the universe contemplates them.
Hunter doesn’t play “Hide and Seek” – Hunter plays “Hide and pray I don’t find you”
Hunter gave Nos three choices, so Nos took all three.
You can’t sudden clarity Hunter’s attacks – Hunter killed you 10 seconds ago, you’re just realizing it now.
People who stay in the land of the dead and don’t move on are scared of coming back because Hunter would kill them again.

Cedar’s Rocktumble Bars

By Dale B.

Cedar’s Rocktumble Bars
(Suitable for all manner of mining lessons and metaphors)

Core layer:

Ingredients:
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1/4 cup sugar
5 tbsp. cocoa
1 egg beaten
1 1/4 cups graham wafer crumbs
1/2 cup finely chopped almonds (ground works too)
1 cup coconut

Instructions:

1) Use two nesting melting crucibles or similar containers (pots work in a pinch, if you can swipe a couple from the kitchen)
2) Fill the larger one with water, set on forge.
3) Insert the smaller one inside the larger one. Bring the larger to a boil.
4) Melt butter, sugar and cocoa in the second.
5) Add egg and cook till thick, approx consistency of thin iron melt.
6) Remove from heat, stir in crumbs, almonds and coconut
7) Press layer into 8×8 baking pan (ungreased, glass preferred)

Mantle:

Ingredients:
1/2 cup unsalted butter
2 Tbsp. and 2 Tsp. cream
2 Tbsp. Bird’s custard powder
2 cups icing sugar

Instructions:

1) Bribe sibling into stirring
2) Mix butter, cream, custard powder, and icing sugar until creamed (approx 3 “is this good enough”s from aforementioned siblings)
3) Spread mixture over core layer
3) Send sibling on long errand with bribe of a piece later, before embarking on next layer

Crust:

Ingredients:

4 squares semi-sweet chocolate (1 oz. each) (add additional as appropiate if you forgot to send siblings off on long errand)
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter

Instructions:

1) Melt chocolate and butter over low forge
2) Pour chocolate over Mantle before siblings return and see chocolate
3) Put entire pan into icebox and lock door until ready to serve!

Spawn’d This Way

By Patrick McAthey
(Sung to the tune of “Born this way” by lady Gaga)

Honourable Mention – 2012 Creative Corners contest – Other Creative Work

It doesn’t matter if your monster or fey
Just put your weapons in the air
Because NPC you were spawned this way

My AD told me when I was stated
Go kill the PC’s
Go grab a weapon, put some armour on
And today you might live long
Now with all this carnage, well, I’m hard to miss
The PC’s follow everywhere I go
I’ll spill some tags out from a pouch like this
Back off and enjoy the show!

I’m sure the elves will say it’s a grotesque display
Well, they can slay me, baby – I was spawned this way
I might be wearin’ some buffs or maybe covered with stuff
It doesn’t mean I’m crazy — I spawned this way

Ooo, my little monsters pay… lots ’cause I spawned this way
Baby, I was spawned this way
Ooo, don’t worry, I’m okay… hey, I was just spawned this way
I’m not crazy, I spawned this way

I’ll be a hag and really mean
I’ll rep a big described scene
‘Cause every day is an Epoch day
For me…

I’m so completely original
My new stats are all the rage
I’ll wrap some mana ’round my neck
And set fire to the inn oh yay!
I’ll use a life skill
On a W-H-I-M
And I’ll sing a verse in Halfling now
Nonmonomnom nom nom nom!

Got my armour today, it’s got silver inlay
No, not because I’m crazy – I spawned this way
I strap new props to my feet, cover myself with sheets
I’ll bet you’ve never seen a monster repped this way!

Don’t be offended when you see
My latest popcorn monstrosity
I’m weak, wild, shocking, odd, bizarre
I’m Fairy, I’m an avatar
There’s nothing too embarrassing
I’ll honestly do anything
But disobey the AD
‘Cause baby, I spawned this way

Hope you won’t think it’s cliché if I go KBA
Don’t call for help now its ok, I spawned this way
No reason I should regret all the rp hatred I get
I’m not completely crazy, I spawned this way, yeah

I spawned this way-hey, I spawned this way-hey
I’m really not insane — I just spawned this way-hey

Cedar’s (award winning!) Apple Pie

By: Dale B.

2012 Creative Corners Contest – Other

Ingredients:

1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup unsalted butter
3 tbsp all purpose flour
8 granny smith apple (run if Granny Ironthunder sees you at this point!)
1/4 cup water (not from mineshaft! yuck!)

0) Peel, core and slice apples. Drink lots of ale while doing this. It will seem like forever otherwise.
1) Preheat forge to 425 degrees
2) Melt butter in crucible or other thick bottomed container
3) Add flour to form a paste
4) Drink some ale, swear at burning it, clean crucible and repeat steps 1-3
5) Add water, white and brown sugar
6) Bring the mixture to a slow boil
7) Reduce temp to simmer and bribe little sister to do something else with spare apple slice.
8) Place crust in pan bottom
9) Arrange apples in to a mound, slightly rounded
10) Gently pour mixture over pie
11) Swear at time, abandon plans for nice latticework crust and throw on a boring one. Drink another ale.
12) Bake 15 minutes (approx 3 “is it done yet?” from various siblings) and then lower temp to 350 degrees.
13) Bake 35-45 minutes more depending on forge particulars, until apple’s are soft and Sibling’s patience is run out
14) Drink ale
15) More ale
16) Mmmm pie!